Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
