So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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