its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
