haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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