Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
