You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
