She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
how drunk are you?
Several
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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