I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
be right there i have to get my cape
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
