I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
