I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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