We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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