They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We need a shit load of segways right now
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
