When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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