I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
