WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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