Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
