I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
