spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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