textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
