White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
