How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Still dying that you shit outside
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
