There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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