i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
