Pants 0. Shit 1.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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