so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
