dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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