I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
