Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
