saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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