Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
