well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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