R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
