Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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