can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize