just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
