My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
