I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
