HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
