sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
