Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i out mim tonsoeep
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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