if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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