Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
