i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
