She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
