somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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