If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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