So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
