Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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