YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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