so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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