i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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