I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
