I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So many bounce houses so little time
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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