we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize