My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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