I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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