Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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