he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
