Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
