I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
