I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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