You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
