why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
