Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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