So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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