you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize