You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
