I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
